The World According to...Who Knows

So today in Advanced Auditing we discussed inventory management and the audit procedures undertaken to test the assertions and accounts pertaining to inventory. Of course, most of the examples referred to observing and testing the inventory of "widgets." Samples of purple widgets, a selection of blue widgets, various obsolete yellow widgets. It was all pretty mundane.

After a little while though, maybe because I happened to be staring at that part of projector screen for too long or just because accounting classes take me to such a special place of insanity, I started contemplating the widget and its completely undeserved significance in my life.

Since the dawn of time, or day one of Econ 101(pretty much the same), all I have heard about is this magical little thing called a "widget." They are omnipotent. A widget is a commodity, a luxury item, an inferior good; They are traded in perfectly competitive markets, controlled by monopolies and oligopolies, are price elastic and inelastic. They are produced utilizing economies of scale, traded in every currency, hedged using all types of derivative instruments. Every nation, tribe, village, merchant, and vendor has at one time had a comparative advantage in producing, growing, manufacturing, and selling widgets. Apparently widgets are also stored in warehouses, arranged in their various colors and sizes, and must be audited by CPAs. To someone who didn't understand the strictly anecdotal nature of the classic widget example, it would seem that the little guy was the leading export and import of every country in the world.

I understand story problems and examples must exist for teaching purposes but WHY THE WIDGET?!? Is it too much to ask for textbook authors to replace "widget" with "car" or "apple"? For all we have learned about them, it would seem that a shock in widget prices would decimate the global economy. Unfortunately no one really knows WHAT a widget even IS.

There really is only one way to solve the great mystery of the widget: Google Image Search.

A Widget:



Or maybe this?



How about...




This?




OR...





So...as usual, Google Image searches provide an incredible amount of clarity. Apparently a Widget is either a one-inch white ball, a stop watch, a strange purple man, AFRICA?, or THE SUN?!?!?! Gee thanks, internet world. Good to know that we can all time our widget-throwing skills with a widget while hunting safari widgets on the continent of widget by the ultraviolet light of the great widget. Stellar.

An Ode to the Audit Intern

So...this winter I got my first taste of the joys of public accounting. Instead of discussing this in an extended tale of number crunching and frolics through the audit room, I will instead share with the internet community the works of lyrical art that I composed during my professional internship with an accounting firm in Charlotte that will remain unnamed. Before reading, please note that I mean no disrespect to my wonderful firm, the profession, or my lovely coworkers: this is simply a sarcastic display of a new art genre known as Accounting Poetry and a reflection of the lack of exciting jobs available to interns during busy season. Enjoy.


A POEM FOR THE AUDIT INTERN: For April Richmond and Nikki Palazzo


Auditing is so much fun.

I want to sing and dance.

I’d tie-out 10’Ks all day long

If I only had the chance.


I love my red pen.

And my various post-it flags.

I love how blood-shot my eyes get.

And how the skin below them sags.


This job is super wonderful.

I never leave my chair.

My excel workbooks are just so pretty,

I cannot help but stare.


You know what does it for me?

What really makes me smile?

When I look at two numbers for an hour or two

And they just won’t reconcile.


I heart my calculator.

Love access and excel.

I really just love auditing,

If you couldn’t already tell.


This really is the glamorous life.

I think I really made it.

Being an intern is phenomenal!

Except I really hate it.


Sometimes I work 12 hours.

Sometimes I think I’ll cry.

Sometimes I do nothing for days on end

Sometimes I want to die.


It could be worse I guess

At least I’m getting paid

When I do all this for no extra comp

Ill wish my intern status had stayed.


AN AUDIT POEM - PART 2


This one time I sat at my desk.

I sat there all day long.

I did the same thing 11 times.

And each time, I did it wrong.


So then I had to re-do it.

And still it wasn’t right.

So I added to my sample

And worked late into the night.


When I turned it into my senior

She changed a bunch of stuff

So I added 4 more tickmarks

But that wasn’t good enough.


When the manager looked it over

At first he seemed impressed

But he asked I do it ten more times

Was this some evil test?


So now I am surrounded

By leasehold improvement recons

All I want is to hit up the bake sale

And buy those brownies with the pecans.


It really is quite cruel

I can see the baked goods from my chair

But I have way too much work to do

It really isn’t fair.


If given the choice of Recons or death

Right now I would be dead

I really should just work on it now

But I choose poetry instead.



The end. I will be here all week.