An Ode to the Audit Intern

So...this winter I got my first taste of the joys of public accounting. Instead of discussing this in an extended tale of number crunching and frolics through the audit room, I will instead share with the internet community the works of lyrical art that I composed during my professional internship with an accounting firm in Charlotte that will remain unnamed. Before reading, please note that I mean no disrespect to my wonderful firm, the profession, or my lovely coworkers: this is simply a sarcastic display of a new art genre known as Accounting Poetry and a reflection of the lack of exciting jobs available to interns during busy season. Enjoy.


A POEM FOR THE AUDIT INTERN: For April Richmond and Nikki Palazzo


Auditing is so much fun.

I want to sing and dance.

I’d tie-out 10’Ks all day long

If I only had the chance.


I love my red pen.

And my various post-it flags.

I love how blood-shot my eyes get.

And how the skin below them sags.


This job is super wonderful.

I never leave my chair.

My excel workbooks are just so pretty,

I cannot help but stare.


You know what does it for me?

What really makes me smile?

When I look at two numbers for an hour or two

And they just won’t reconcile.


I heart my calculator.

Love access and excel.

I really just love auditing,

If you couldn’t already tell.


This really is the glamorous life.

I think I really made it.

Being an intern is phenomenal!

Except I really hate it.


Sometimes I work 12 hours.

Sometimes I think I’ll cry.

Sometimes I do nothing for days on end

Sometimes I want to die.


It could be worse I guess

At least I’m getting paid

When I do all this for no extra comp

Ill wish my intern status had stayed.


AN AUDIT POEM - PART 2


This one time I sat at my desk.

I sat there all day long.

I did the same thing 11 times.

And each time, I did it wrong.


So then I had to re-do it.

And still it wasn’t right.

So I added to my sample

And worked late into the night.


When I turned it into my senior

She changed a bunch of stuff

So I added 4 more tickmarks

But that wasn’t good enough.


When the manager looked it over

At first he seemed impressed

But he asked I do it ten more times

Was this some evil test?


So now I am surrounded

By leasehold improvement recons

All I want is to hit up the bake sale

And buy those brownies with the pecans.


It really is quite cruel

I can see the baked goods from my chair

But I have way too much work to do

It really isn’t fair.


If given the choice of Recons or death

Right now I would be dead

I really should just work on it now

But I choose poetry instead.



The end. I will be here all week.